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How to Get Your Internet Connected in Mexico AKA: Welcome to the Bottomless Pit of Despair

How to get your internet connected in Mexico:

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“– Alright, yeah I get it. Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! If it isn’t connected by tomorrow, I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great – waaaaait, um, I do have a preference of time … um, the morning. Make it happen in the morning.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Wait, what?!?!?”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“Uh huh …”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great – waaaaait, um, I do have a preference of time … um, the morning. No, wait, 10.45 am, on the dot.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. It’s done tomorrow, or it’s cancelled. Simple.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. Consider the contract cancelled. I can’t stand this anymore.”

“Please sir, give us one, final chance to prove ourselves. One last one, please! I’m begging you, I have children to feed!

“ … hmmmm, fine, why not? I’ve come this far. One. Last Chance.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“Whaaaaaat?! There actually is a schedule?”

“Yes, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“Whatever, great. Tomorrow, right?”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“There is no schedule. We both know that.”

“No, there is, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“This is a lie.”

“No, it’s not. The other schedule was in error. This is the proper schedule. I just received it directly from the head of the company.”

“Riiiiggght. Sure you did.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“There is no schedule. We both know that.”

“No, there is, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“This is a lie.”

“No, it’s not. The other schedule was in error. This is the proper schedule. I just received it directly from the head of the company.”

“Riiiiggght. Sure you did.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Cancel the contract. I’m done with this.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“No, consider the contract cancelled. I can’t stand this anymore.”

“Please sir, give us one, final cha–”

“Fuck off, I’m cancelling the contract. This is disgusting, and I won’t put up with it anymore!”

(Moves to a different internet provider … )

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“– Alright, yeah I get it. Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! If it isn’t connected by tomorrow, I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great – waaaaait, um, I do have a preference of time … um, the morning. Make it happen in the morning.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Wait, what?!?!?”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“Uh huh …”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great – waaaaait, um, I do have a preference of time … um, the morning. No, wait, 10.45 am, on the dot.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. It’s done tomorrow, or it’s cancelled. Simple.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. Consider the contract cancelled. I can’t stand this anymore.”

“Please sir, give us one, final chance to prove ourselves. One last one, please! I’m begging you, I have children to feed!

“ … hmmmm, fine, why not? I’ve come this far. One. Last Chance.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“Whaaaaaat?! There actually is a schedule?”

“Yes, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“Whatever, great. Tomorrow, right?”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“There is no schedule. We both know that.”

“No, there is, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“This is a lie.”

“No, it’s not. The other schedule was in error. This is the proper schedule. I just received it directly from the head of the company.”

“Riiiiggght. Sure you did.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Just connect the internet, and I’ll be happy.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“Whatever.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Man, you said that yesterday too. I don’t want to tell you how to run your business, but can’t you come up with a better system than just making customers wait around all day? Like a schedule for your technicians, or at least some kind of forward planning?”

“We’re always working to improve our customer service. But don’t worry, they’ll come tomorrow. Seriously, they will. May the Earth swallow me whole if they don’t, may the–”

“Mate, we’ve had this exact conversation already. Look, I don’t care if they don’t come until next week! I just can’t wait around all day, cancelling work, neglecting errands, and just generally putting my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for a technician that isn’t coming. Please, can you honestly just tell me when they might come?”

“I’m so sorry sir, I understand your frustration. You’ve now become a priority case, and we will ensure your internet is connected by tomorrow at the latest. No more nonsense.”

“You said that yesterday as well! Is this whole conversation meaningless? We’re past the period when you’re contractually obliged to connect our internet. Just connect it!”

“I understand what’s happened over the past days has been below our usual standards, but we will install your internet tomorrow. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing! That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m cancelling the contract, because obviously your company is simply incapable of providing internet.”

“I’m extremely sorry. In that case, it’ll be done by tomorrow. Honestly, we don’t want to lose customers, we will get the job done this time.”

“No! No more! If your company can’t even figure out a schedule or timetable or something for your technicians, how could you do something more complicated … like you know, provide internet?”

“Please don’t cancel sir, we’ll put you at emergency level. You are now our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY customer. We will drop everything and harness the full power of our company to get your internet connected by tomorrow. This is it. It’ll happen! Seriously!!!!!”

“But dude, you said that yesterday! My life has been reduced to waiting around day after day – all because your company can’t actually tell me when the technician is coming. You just keep lying to me, and saying it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I’m so, so, so sorry. I understand this must be difficult for you. But let me guarantee, that once the full behemoth of our company moves into action, it gets stuff done. Give it until tomorrow, please, and we’ll have your internet connected.”

“No! No more lies! You guys can’t do it, can you?”

“Well sir, once the company has been given a challenge, we rise to the occasion. Are you … challenging us?”

“Yes I am!”

“Then it’ll be done tomorrow.”

“I somehow doubt it. Look, I’m at the end of my tether. I’m serious this time. You guys have no schedule, no organisation, nothing! This is an endless nightmare. If there was some schedule or something, I could work with that. But I can’t just wait at home for the rest of my life.”

“Well, sir, let me consult the schedule for the technicians.”

“There is no schedule. We both know that.”

“No, there is, and it looks like we’ll have a technician free … tomorrow. Is tomorrow ok?”

“This is a lie.”

“No, it’s not. The other schedule was in error. This is the proper schedule. I just received it directly from the head of the company.”

“Riiiiggght. Sure you did.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Cancel the contract. I’m done with this.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

“No, consider the contract cancelled. I can’t stand this anymore.”

“Please sir, give us one, final cha–”

“Fuck off, I’m cancelling the contract. This is disgusting, and I won’t put up with it anymore!”

(Moves to a different internet provider … )

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(The next day)

“Hi, when can you install my internet?”

“Today!”

“Wow, great! When?”

“Give us an hour or two, and a technician will be at your house!”

“Faaaantastic! I’ll just wait here then.”

(crickets chirp…calls back that night)

“Hey, so er….what happened to that technician?”

“Oh dear, we’re extremely sorry, it looks like we’ll have to reschedule for tomorrow. Is that ok?”

“But you said they’d come today. Are you sure they’ll actually come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart, swear on a stack of Bibles, iron clad guarantee, on my grandmother’s grave, absolutely promise that they will most definitely come tomorrow.”

“… Dude, you said that yesterday, and nobody came.”

“It’ll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow is the deadline. It must be done by tomorrow, and we will do it tomorrow. I promise. Honestly, don’t worry, it’ll be tomorrow. Trust me, the technician will be there: if this was a bet, I’d bet everything I own they’ll be there, and your interwebs will be connected. Let me die screaming in a lake of fire if they don’t; as God as my witness they will come.”

“Well….ok….that sounds kinda sincere.”

“Do you have any preference of time?”

“Any time tomorrow is great.”

“Fantastic, just wait around all day, and the technician will come.”

(Hangs up the phone, and realises life is meaningless … )

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